Sacrifice for Love
by banduraqueen
Summary: "In the days after Jenny's murder, Buffy began offering herself to him... perhaps not consciously, at least not at first..." The point is to get Buffy and Giles in bed together but with a real focus on character and trying to keep them in-character. Takes place during season 2.
1. Chapter 1

In the days after Jenny's murder, Buffy began offering herself to him. Not overtly, or with words, perhaps not consciously, at least not at first, but subtly, in the way she stood a little closer to him than usual, always turned towards him, her head slightly tilted sideways, her shoulders back, her neck and chest open and bare. In the back of his mind Giles noticed the change in her body language, and didn't know what to make of it.

Then, one time, when he was intending to reassure her that everything would turn out all right, he placed his hand on her bare shoulder and it became clear to them both that this was what she wanted. It would be her apology for failing to save his lover, her penitence for setting a monster free; she would give her body to him as a kind of sacrifice.

She closed her eyes and her posture became yet more submissive. Her expression changed almost imperceptibly, but Giles could read it. He could tell that he could slip the strap of her tank top off her shoulder and she wouldn't object; he could slide his palm over her breast and she would sigh like any other man would want her to.

He drew back his hand like it had been burnt.

Buffy frowned; she wanted to make amends with him, but didn't know how.


	2. Chapter 2

Giles tried to ignore any change in his relationship with Buffy. Buffy couldn't.

She began to feel that nothing else she could say or do could express how sorry she was. And the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it for herself. She wanted to give her body over to someone else, to give up control, to be free from responsibility, to not have to worry or think. She wanted to stop thinking about Angel.

And that was another reason – she tried not to think about it this way because she felt it was selfish – but she was sorry and bitter that her first time went the way that it did. It wasn't supposed to happen that way; she wanted to try it again. She wanted to make love with someone who loved her, and for him to still love her the next day.

She imagined what it would be like, the way Giles loved her translated into sex, and it was warm and comforting. When she imagined what it would be like there were no images, only feelings.

She wanted to, but at the same time told herself that is was impossible for her to want to, not with Giles. She chastised herself for thinking Giles would want her, but at the same time she assumed that of course he would want her, and it would be just getting him to admit it that would be the hard part.


	3. Chapter 3

Xander, Willow and Giles were all at Buffy's house, gathered in the kitchen, speaking in soft voices so as not to wake her mother who was asleep upstairs, talking about the latest non-Angel related evil they had to defeat.

When they were about to leave, Buffy suddenly turned to Giles, "Can you stay for a minute? I wanna talk."

"Alright."

Xander and Willow said goodnight and Buffy closed the door behind them. She took a breath before beginning. "I had this idea…" She said nervously, "would you like… me?"

His eyes opened a little wider. "Excuse me?"

"If we… you know… did it… you and me… would you like it?"

"Um…" he took a moment to reply, removing and replacing his glasses. He didn't seem able to look directly at Buffy. "W-why are you asking this?"

"Because I want to… I want to give you something," she whispered.

Giles seemed to calm down as he nodded in understanding. "I don't need anything like that from you."

Buffy thought that was besides the point.

"You don't owe me anything," he continued in a reassuring tone.

She cut in, "But would you _like_ it?"

He was taken aback, and Buffy could tell he was imagining it, just for a moment, before he answered, "Of course not!"

She could see he was lying, but she didn't say anything because he seemed so frightened by the situation. All the same, his lie made her smile just a little, which seemed to disturb him all the more.

"I'd like to leave," he said, flustered. And he did.


	4. Chapter 4

Giles had never thought of Buffy sexually until she presented herself to him as such. Only then did his mind allow him to acknowledge how attractive she was, allow him to be attracted to her. It felt wrong because of her age, because he was her teacher, because he was still mourning Jenny. He resented it because he wanted to mourn Jenny, and to keep those feelings sacrosanct. Yet at the same time it was a strange relief to suddenly feel attracted to someone else. There was also a part of him that wanted Buffy because he wasn't supposed to, a part of him that was tired of all the grief and responsibility in his life and wanted to abandon it all and embrace her because she offered rebellion and pleasure. Giles hated himself for it.

The next day he tried to convince himself that he was repulsed by the idea of sleeping with Buffy, but then he would look at her, and it was impossible for him to believe that making love to her could be anything other than beautiful.

Buffy noticed right away that he was acting differently around her. He was awkward; he stuttered more and fumbled with his books. He was trying not to look at her, but every now and then their eyes would meet and he would become even more flustered. She liked doing this to him. She didn't want to admit it to herself, but it gave her a sense of power, and with other parts of her life in such a mess that power made her feel good. They were going to do this, she would make it happen. She told herself they were going to do it because she wanted to do it for him, not in spite of him.

Whenever they met throughout the day Buffy stood too close to Giles and looked at him winsomely. His resolve waned a little more every time he looked at her. He began to feel helpless to do anything but follow what was apparently her plan.

At the end of their training session Buffy perched on the edge of the study table, and leaned back slightly, very aware of how her body looked in her tank top and miniskirt. As he put the weapons away, Giles couldn't help but imagine taking her in his arms and kissing her, running his hands over her body, making love to her…

"So, what now?" she asked.

His voice felt caught in his throat. "Shall I drive you home?" he choked out.

She looked at him blankly. That wasn't what she wanted. "You mean to your place?" she said quietly.

Giles thought he should reply, "No," that he should let her get home on her own, that he should say something that would put an end to this right now, but his mind refused to work and he couldn't think of what to say.

Instead he simply left the library and she followed him.


	5. Chapter 5

The car ride was silent. Giles kept telling himself that this was not happening; that he was wrong to think this was happening, that something else was going on. There had to be another reason why she wanted to go to his place and she would tell him when they got there.

Occasionally he would glance at Buffy and see her absent-mindedly caressing her hair or her arm, or examining her hand. To him she looked uncannily calm. It helped him believe that there was something else going on.

Buffy was playing out in her mind exactly what was going to happen. They would go inside, he would turn the lights on, lock the door, then turn around and kiss her deeply. She would turn the lights off, walk upstairs, wait for him on the bed. He would follow her, and she would let him do what he wanted with her. She imagined his kisses not going below her neck, his hands not going below her waist, and they would somehow manage to take their clothes off but not see each other naked.

As he pulled into his driveway, Buffy broke the silence.

"Mom's out of town," she said, and shattered any illusion Giles had that she was not intending to sleep with him that night.


	6. Chapter 6

He headed straight for the liquor and poured himself a glass of scotch. He slugged it back and grimaced.

Buffy noticed there was a pillow and blanket on the sofa.

Giles was pouring himself another drink. Some liquid courage seemed like a good idea to Buffy.

"Can I have one?" she asked.

He gave her an uncertain, sideways glance. He refilled the same glass he had used and gave it to her.

She took a sip and made a face. She seemed such a child to him.

"What are we doing?" he asked softly.

She just looked at him. It was enough of an answer. If they were doing anything else she would have been able to say. He poured himself another drink.

"I could go to jail."

Buffy was taken aback. "I'm not going to tell anybody. And I'm not some helpless kid." She sounded offended.

Giles shrugged. "That doesn't make this legal."

"Who cares? You could probably go to jail for keeping weapons in the school, Giles."

Buffy could feel the alcohol going to her head already. She felt bolder. She walked up to Giles and stood in front of him, her face turned up, ready to be kissed. But he seemed determined to not to make the first move. So she kissed him. It was a brief, light kiss; as soon as her lips touched his she started to feel nervous. When she pulled away, Giles was looking at her intensely, with an expression she couldn't read. It was unsettling. She went back to her drink and finished it off, and then turned to go upstairs.

"Stay down here."

Buffy couldn't remember the last time Giles had sounded so commanding, if he ever had. It clicked in her mind why he didn't want to go to the bedroom. She wondered if he had slept there at all since Jenny's murder. She turned around, slightly flustered and sat down on the sofa, thinking about him finding Jenny's body. She felt desperate to see this through. She looked at Giles expectantly.

He was still a little stunned from her kiss. It hadn't been a good kiss, but the fact that Buffy had kissed him was enough to leave him stunned. Now she was looking at him with eyes that were more sorry than anything else, but also expectant, and he was having trouble wrapping his mind around what she expected from him. He perched besides her on the sofa. He could still tell her this wasn't going to happen, he could still tell her to go home and forget about this, but he really didn't want to.

He placed his hands on her shoulders, and looked unsure about how to continue. She turned her face up towards his and he kissed her, feeling guilty about it all the while.

It wasn't really what Buffy had wanted. He was too careful and gentle with her. It felt nice, but there was no passion to lose herself in, it allowed her too much opportunity to think. She thought about how this compared with what she had with Angel, and about how strange it was that it was Giles who was kissing her and caressing her body under her clothes. She didn't know what to do with her hands.

Giles slid her clothes off easily. Her skin was soft and warm. She felt like she could melt in his arms. She looked uncomfortable, vulnerable. A part of him liked seeing her like that. The better part of him felt sorry. "We can go to the bedroom if you want."

She shook her head. "Just turn the lights off."

When he stood up to get the lights, Buffy felt even more exposed. She wanted to cover herself up, but forced herself not to. She had wanted to go through with this, after all. But she hated being naked in front of Giles.

When he returned she was shaking. He held her gently and kissed her neck.

Despite herself, Buffy started to cry.

He backed away. "We can stop."

She nodded, found her clothes quickly and put them on, wrapped her arms around herself protectively. "I'm sorry," she said.

He couldn't reply. He felt sick with himself. "I'll take you home."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note / Warning:** This chapter has an actual sex scene. It's not like I describe ever body part involved, but it's not a "fade to black" kind of scene either. I think it could be interpreted as beyond the M rating. So if this doesn't sound like your kind of thing, proceed with caution.

* * *

The road seemed to be swaying slightly in front of Giles. He thought it was mirroring his confused mental state, but then he remembered he had just had three glasses of scotch. He decided he should concentrate on driving. But, though he tried to think of nothing but steering his car straight, Giles' conscience still found the opportunity to harass him. He had taken advantage of a young girl who was in his care, of Buffy, who he loved and respected more than anyone else who was left in his life. He thought that if he got in a drunken car crash it would serve him right. But that would have to wait until after Buffy was safely at home.

Buffy could tell he felt terrible. Part of her was glad that he did. Part of her was disappointed and frustrated it hadn't gone the way she wanted, part of her was angry with him for going along with it at all. Part of her was mad at herself for thinking this was a good idea. She had too many feelings, they all seemed to conflict with each other and she had trouble figuring out which were the most important. By the time they pulled up in front of her house Buffy was mostly sorry that she had damaged her relationship with Giles. He looked miserable. She didn't want to leave him like that.

"Come inside with me. I'll make you some tea."

Giles hesitated.

"Mom's out of town, remember?"

That hadn't been what he was worried about, but he followed her inside without correcting her.

Buffy started to feel better as soon as she stepped inside her house. She felt more at ease, more confident. Making tea for Giles in her kitchen somehow made her feel like their mistakes weren't so irreparable after all. She chatted as she went around the kitchen, putting the kettle on, finding a mug and tea bags, not really saying anything.

She poured the boiling water into the mug and blew the steam away. She took a sip and placed it in front of Giles.

"Careful, it's hot."

Giles looked sad and confused. A part of her felt better seeing him like that, it made her feel in control again. But she also felt sorry for him. She wanted to make things better. Before she even thought about what she was doing, she stepped close to him and kissed him.

Giles was stunned. Buffy was kissing him, running her fingers through his hair, her mouth hot from the tea. When she stepped away from him again she suddenly seemed older than seventeen. He had to take a moment to collect himself.

"What are we doing?" he asked.

"You keep asking that."

"Because I don't know. Buffy, you aren't even attracted to me. I would never dream of having an affair with someone your age. It is foolish and wrong for us to act like this. It doesn't make sense."

"Well, not the strictest kind of sense, no… and honestly, I don't really know what I'm doing."

"Maybe we should stop then until one of us figures it out."

Buffy looked at him thoughtfully and shook her head. "No."

She moved closer to him again. He watched her warily as she raised her hands to his neck and began to undo his tie. "I can't put into words why," she said slowly, "but I think this will be good for us. Anyways, I want it. We both want it, right?"

He didn't reply, but met her gaze. She was right. She leaned forward to kiss him again, but he held her back.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You aren't going to."

"You were crying, Buffy."

Buffy sighed, a little exasperated and embarrassed. "I know… it wasn't what I was expecting and I was weirded out…"

"It's not going to be any less weird, you know."

"I'm getting used to the idea. And I want to…"

Giles held her away from himself and looked at her seriously. "Tell me, what exactly do you want from this?"

She looked uncertain. "I want to make you happy."

"But what do _you_ want?"

Buffy thought about it before replying quietly, "I want you to love me."

Giles spoke very softly, "I do love you, just not like this."

Buffy just looked at him for a moment. It was so nice to hear him say he loved her. "I know," she replied, "but I want to feel it. I want to feel loved…" She paused to think; there was more that she wanted from this. "And I want to forget everything that's happened."

Everything that's happened… Giles nodded in understanding, and when he replied his voice was quiet and choked with emotion, "I do too."

Buffy hugged him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and felt his arms holding her tight. They stayed like that for a while, and though the hug was entirely platonic, when Buffy pulled away from Giles she felt the urge to start kissing him and never stop. She didn't though, it wasn't quite right yet.

"Finish your tea," she told him, wiping away the tears that had gathered in her eyes. "I'll be right back."

Buffy walked around the house, making sure all the lights were turned off. When she came back to the kitchen, Giles was right where she had left him.

"Come upstairs with me."

For a moment he looked worried and reluctant again, but she took his hand and led him upstairs. When they reached the doorway of her room she turned to him.

"Let's just forget everything."

Giles took a steadying breath. Forget everything – how old they were, their past, Jenny and Angel, Eyghon, the Council, prophesies and the Master, duty and responsibility, vampires, death and darkness. He really wanted to forget it all, forget everything but the girl standing in front of him. He took off his glasses, folded them and put them in his jacket pocket. "Alright."

He tilted her chin up and kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. For the first time Giles was kissing her like he really wanted her. It made Buffy feel almost giddy. She slipped his jacket off his shoulders and led him to her bed.

For a long time they just kissed, getting to know each other, finding a rhythm.

She sighed when his lips moved to her neck and shoulders, she told him to use his teeth. He did, nipping at her skin. He asked if he could take her top off and she nodded eagerly. He trailed kisses down her body. She ran her fingers through his hair as he licked her, clutched his head close to her as he sucked on her breasts, and told him to do it harder.

She tensed up when he touched her lightly between her legs.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

It made her nervous, but she replied, "No, it's ok."

He rubbed her clitoris and she sighed. This was something Angel had never done. She relaxed and a smile spread across her face. Giles kept going until her body seized up in spasms. She felt like she was going to lose her mind. She pulled Giles close to her, kissing him and fumbling with his shirt buttons.

"I want to feel your skin on mine," she whispered.

He pulled his shirt off over his head and kissed her hungrily, biting her lip. She loved the feeling of his warm body pressed against hers. She slipped out of her skirt and underwear and awkwardly tried to take Giles' pants off while kissing him. He stood up for a moment to take off his trousers, and Buffy turned away, blushing. She still didn't think she was ready to see all of him.

She felt him brushing against her as he leaned over her and asked her gently, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

She nodded and replied, "Yeah, definitely."

She closed her eyes as he entered her, and heard him moan quietly, "Oh my god."

"Oh, Giles, you feel good," she exclaimed.

As he steadily moved back and forth inside her, Giles was looking down at Buffy with a gaze that, to her, seemed darkly intense and sweet at the same time. She loved the way he looked at her. She was noticing things about his face that she never had before.

"Oh my god... you're handsome, Giles. Did you know that?"

He laughed and kissed her. "And you are beautiful," he whispered.

She held him close, kissed his neck and lightly bit his ear.

Suddenly he was on his back and she was on top of him. Giles was shocked at how quickly it happened; his heart rate sped up a little more. She looked down at him, a smile playing about her mouth. He ran his hands over her thighs and sighed, "You're so beautiful."

She closed her eyes and rode him until she came.


	8. Chapter 8

She lay down besides him. "That was fun."

Giles was in a daze. He wanted to tell her how amazing she was, but couldn't find the words. So he just replied, "Indeed." It made Buffy laugh.

She turned over to look at him and laid her head on his shoulder. "You'll never leave me, will you?"

"No, never." He caressed her hair in silence until he added, "But I shouldn't stay."

"You're right."

Buffy closed her eyes as he put on his clothes, opening them again only when she heard him clear his throat to announce that he was ready to go.

"Turn around. Just give me a second and I'll see you to the door." She found a housecoat and threw it on.

They walked downstairs together and stopped at the front door.

"Well…" he said awkwardly. A goodnight kiss didn't seem appropriate.

She smiled at him and she looked so genuinely calm and pleased. He smiled back, glad that he was able to make her feel that way.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said.

THE END


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